The Tyranny of Need

Take a beguiling phrase or sentence, marry it to the right melody, and you can get away with making the most indefensible position sound appealing. In 1968, Jimmy Webb wrote “Wichita Lineman.” Right there between the “stretch down south,” that “won't ever stand the strain... and the Wichita Lineman,” who, “is still on the line,” Webb slips in a memorable line that is a hazard disguised as a sweetly romantic idea: “And I need you more than want you and I want you for all time.”

What a horrible thing to say to someone you love. Sweet sentiment? Not even close when you consider how burdensome that is for the one who is being needed. Neither is it any great news for the one doing the needing. Webb was not writing about normal human social needs. A little dash of need can spice a relationship and sharpen our wits. No, the Wichita lineman wants this person for all time. Being wanted can be flattering as long as you have some wanting of your own. But, we don’t have that normal complexity of human relationships with the lineman.

This character wants this other person so much that he is declaring his willingness to enter into a state of absolute, status quo existence in the eternal “now” with his beloved. That is a lot of want. And he needs her more than that!? That’s too much need! Good grief man, get a grip! The kind of need you are expressing is not at all healthy for you or your beloved. You’re sacrificing your independence to an ensnaring dependency on another human being... who may fail you. They may fail you not because they don’t care, but because we all have a limit to our capacity to carry another’s load.

The person who is needed isn’t getting off lightly, either. Quite the contrary. They are carrying the heavier load. It’s as if they are carrying a half dozen burning candles delicately balanced on a flimsy tray through a paddle of gasoline... and the earth starts to shake.

A little need humbles us and helps the ties that bind our friendships, but the need being expressed by the Wichita lineman is tyrannical. Nobody needs that kind of need.