I have been through what I was told was true, what for a
while I believed was true, what I was afraid was true, and am now left with
what would be nice if it were true, but...
My struggle with “...faith...the substance of things hoped
for and the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 1:11 KJV) began in the
Christmas season of my 10th year. For five decades I have wrestled on and off
with the claims of fundamental Christianity. I have studied the Bible, its doctrines,
and the claims of various systematic theologies from more than one perspective.
I have recorded two translations of the Bible from Genesis
1:1 all the way through to Revelation 22:21. Recorded... that means that with
at least one practice read before turning on the microphone, I have been
through the entire Bible from cover to cover at least four times. That does not
count any of the reading, section by section, that was done during other
periods of study. My struggle with faith and my ultimate ability to embrace, “I
don’t know,” as the ultimate truth is not for lack of having read the Bible
enough.
What I ran away from was the iron-clad cock-sureness of
fundamentalist who believe they understood every jot and tittle of their Bible.
I ran away from the fundamentalist’s inability to say, “I don’t know, I could be...
wrong.” I have yet to meet a fundamentalist of ANY faith who can distinguish
between “don’t know” and “disbelief.” Fundamentalists of all faiths live in a
world of false dichotomy: “Either you believe as I do, or you are wrong.”
“Not believe” is not the same as disbelief. There is an
entire range of human knowledge, opinion, and questioning that lie on the
continuum that is defined by absolute disbelief on one extreme and absolute
faith on the other.
The baby was the faith of a child who had yet to be washed
in the learning of scientific principles, critical reasoning, and logic –
including the logical fallacy of CIRCULAR REASONING – which is what many of you
who believe that I am going to go to hell are practicing right now. “The Bible
is true because the Bible says it is true” just doesn’t cut my spiritual
mustard anymore.
Throwing out the bath water is not to throw out the science,
reasoning, and logic. It is to refill the tub with fresh water so that my baby,
the maturing mind that is able to say, “I don’t know,” can have a nice warm
soak. To throw the baby out with the bath water would be to abandon some of the
most instructive literature, most profound philosophies, and the grandest ideas
that keep hope alive in the hearts of millions.
Please, do not be offended, but please DO consider: I
believe that if there is an almighty creator God to whom I am ultimately
responsible, that that God is not petty, is not malicious, is not ego bound, nor
is he unable to understand that I have honest doubts, but am open to learning
more, and more, and more... on into existence on a plane that I do not
presently have the capacity to comprehend. I don’t know... I could be wrong.
All “God” has given me is NOW, and the EVIDENCE at hand.
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